The Post I Wasn't Going to Write

I wasn't going to post today.
But for some reason I can't seem to stay away from blogging.
I wanted to tell you all about the new car that we bought over the weekend.
And how we walked out of one man's office because he didn't want to come down on his price....and then spent $1000 more on a different car because another sales guy was that much nicer (in your face rude sales guy!).
But I just wasn't feeling it this morning.

I have thought lots about this post...and thought even more about whether I should type it out.
But before all you people started reading, this was my online diary.
No one really read it but my BFF, my husband, and my exhusband.
I make all my posts into a book each year, so I can go back and read them. So I can remember things that are easily forgotten.
So that when I am old and gray, I can re-live it all.

And I decided that this moment, the feelings that I am having right now, need to be remembered.
I need to look back on this later on.

Unless you are new here, you know that I have baby pneumonia.
I want a baby, like last year.
But there is no bun in my oven yet.
Month after month, I get let down when it doesn't happen.
I tell myself to stop thinking about it, that it will happen when it's meant to. That as long as I am stressing, it will never happen.

All my life I have been taught to aspire to bigger things.
I graduated from college once, and went back for another degree.
I had a husband that was not good to me at all, and I dreamed of the day that I would have a husband that loved me.
I worked hard to find a job that I loved.
Good things come to those who wait for it get off their butt and make it happen.

I prayed for a good man, and once I got him, I wanted more.
I prayed for an apartment so I could finally move out of my Mom's house, and once I got it, I started thinking about buying a house.
Once I bought the house, I started wanting a ring on my finger.
Once I had the house and the ring and the husband, I wanted a baby.

If you don't see a pattern here, then you are crazy.

I have for years been focusing on what I want, what I THINK that I need, instead of what I have.

No, there is no baby growing in my belly, but there are two beautiful girls growing in front of my own eyes.
I have a husband that many girls would kill to have, a man who loves me when I have on his huge sweatshirt, no makeup, and have been crying my eyes out just because Mother Nature came knocking on my door ONCE AGAIN.
I have a job that pays the bills, and gives me enough freedom that I don't go bonkers everyday.
I have a house in exactly the area that I wanted to live in.
I even have a new cell phone finally. :)

My point is, I'm dissappointed, obviously. Naturally.
But it's not the end of the world.
I am a mother, and a wife, and I need to focus on that.
I need to smell the roses that are already in my life, instead of focusing on the flowers that I can't smell.

The point of this post isn't to get you to comment and tell me that you are sorry, or to tell me to quit thinking about it.
The point is more of me reminding myself that I have LOTS AND LOTS to be happy about.
And I need to remember that.

I will always be the type of person that I am, the type that wants something and goes after it.
The type that has a goal and works towards it to make it happen.
But this is one thing that no matter how hard I work, it is completely in God's hands.
And if you want to make God laugh, you simply tell him how you have your life planned out.

Don't worry gals, I'll be back tomorrow to drama-free blogging land.
I like my posts to cause laughter, not all this other ish.
Hope everyone is having a great Monday...don't forget to do your Jillian Michaels' workouts...I'll be checking on you on IG. :)
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