I wasn't going to blog today.
I just wasn't feeling it and I didn't want to just babble about nothing
I was going to catch up on reading other blogs.
Every once in awhile I go into major stalker mode and read millions of new blogs. You never know who you will meet or how they will affect your life. So, that was my plan for today.
But then came this post.
I'm not an emotional person.
I never have been.
I'm not a hugger. I'm not gushy
But that post took me back.
Back to the day when I had to move out of my home.
The home I had known for 5 years.
The home that I had raised my kids in.
The home I spent COUNTLESS nights alone in.
The home that I thought was mine.
And moved into my dad's
I was scared.
I wasn't even close to my dad.
I had my sister call my dad to ask her if the girls and I could move in.
Cause I was too chicken.
And too embarassed.
How's that for being a grownup?
Oh, and his driveway was straight up hill and gravel so I was scared to drive on it. And I'm DEATHLY afraid of mice. And log cabins in the woods have mice, y'all.
But I figured that living with country mice had to be better than living with a husband rat.
So I did it.
And my ex? He helped me move by throwing ALL of my clothes into the front yard. Wasn't that helpful?
The point of this post isn't to tell you how hard I had it.
I don't think I had it hard.
I had no idea how miserable I was until I found out what a real marriage was like. What it felt like to be loved back. What it felt like to not walk on egg shells just so you don't end up in a huge fight.
Now I know. Now I know what potential life has.
But I wouldn't know had I not gone through all that.
I wouldn't appreciate FH for simple tiny things.
Like stopping by the store at 5AM just to buy me a Red Bull.
Or telling me not to worry about the dishes, that he'll do them while I'm at the gym.
I wouldn't realize how good I have it now, and I would take him for granted.
The point of this post is actually me, just thinking out loud.
How did I end up here?
When did I become so flippin' happy?
What did I do in my "first life" as a desperate housewife to deserve this amazing life I have today?
Did karma really just hand me a slice of heaven because of all I went through?
I think you have to make big decisions for yourself.
You have to take action to make yourself happy.
When I was living at my Dad's house, I took that opportunity to go BACK to school and get a second degree.
I switched jobs so I could be closer to home.
And that meant a pay cut. A substantial one. But it had good potential.
Sometimes you have to make sacrifices now to benefit later.
{Best decision I ever made. besides marrying FH of course}
Did I want to change everything and go back to school? No. But I knew I could support my kids if I did.
And honestly, I needed to be busy to distract myself.
Then came school and a job and single parenthood.
And tears.
Cause waking up at 5 to do homework isn't fun.
And it isn't easy.
I had a blog back in the day
This post goes to show that life wasn't easy.
Just simple things that I had to do on my own.
I met FH and fell in love.
He was too good to be true.
He still is.
I hung out with my friends. I enjoyed my kids.
I got closer to God.
I enjoyed life.
And slowly, but surely, I moved on.
I even developed a better life.
I love my job now.
I bought my own house.
I still can't believe that.
I honestly wanted to put a sign up on my front porch that said SCREW YOU, MY HOUSE IS BIGGER AND NICER AND I DID IT ALL ON MY OWN.
You know, just because I can.
But the funny thing is, once I got to that point.
The point in life where I was able to throw up a middle finger at my past...I didn't care to.
They say that love and hate are both strong emotions. Both mean you at least care.
I never thought I would get to a point where I didn't care at all.
But the opposite of love and hate are indifference.
And that's what I am towards that life now, indifferent.
I couldn't care less about anything but my present.
Some days little things will remind me of that life.
I won't every forget it
Every time that I don't have to scrape ice off my car because it's in the garage, I appreciate it.
Every time that I drive down my nice, paved, flat driveway, I appreciate it.
Every time that I see my kids running around in our backyard, I appreciate it.
Every time that I get a kiss from my husband, a helping hand, a motivational conversation, I appreciate it.
And I always will.
The past truly makes you the person that you are now.
Live it. Learn from it. And don't dwell on it. And then, do what you can to make the future exactly what you want it to be.
I'm no expert, just a girl that's been there but still managed to find love and happiness. It's never to late to find your "happily ever after".
Happy Friday y'all! I promise to be back with my normal nonsense on Monday since this was a little deep. Hope everyone has a great weekend!!
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Lora this hit home today. I am bawling - thank you for sharing this. Thank you so much.
ReplyDeleteLora... I love you, sweet girl. This makes me happy and hopeful. Thank you for word vomiting your scattered thoughts because it's what I needed to hear today. I'm working on my own indifference... Every day it gets a little bit better. You are a rock star! Love you so much! xoxo
ReplyDeleteoh gurl.
ReplyDelete"But I figured that living with country mice had to be better than living with a husband rat." AMEN
And the walking on egg shells to avoid a fight...that loosening in my gut is something I'm just now realizing...I had no idea for 7 years I was tippy toeing around the king.
I'm sorry I made you emotional.
BUT oh so happy that you & the girls have FH now.
I sincerely mean it when I say you really gave me strength in the beginning, and I wuba you.
It's always darkest before the dawn sister, you are living proof of that!
xoxox
Perfect post. Perfect wording. The "walking on eggshells" part got me teary. I remember those days. And sometimes I flash back to those times and over think situations with JH...only to remember I don't have to ever walk on eggshells. And the indifference....gah, it's the best feeling ever. It's better than knowing karma smacks people in the face. It really is. Ah, teary again. But happy tears!
ReplyDeleteI love to see that you are so happy!
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Kara
Thank you! Great post.
ReplyDeletethe past does make you who you are now. and that's a wonderful thing. im so glad you are in a good place, great post.
ReplyDeleteThe point in life where I was able to throw up a middle finger at my past...I didn't care to wow you took the words from my mouth! I'm so happy to be in that exact same spot!
ReplyDeleteThis was such a great post! I have chills. So happy for you and your happly ever after lady! Much love!
ReplyDeleteAwesome post!
ReplyDeleteI *love* this post. So great to hear that despite what you went through, and all of the hard work and sacrifices, you were able to find happiness. I don't think we ask for much in life, right? Just a spouse who loves us and takes care of us and being able to provide for our kids. :) Thanks for sharing, makes me smile!
ReplyDeleteI have no words. Well, except that you are awesome and I am happy that you are happy now!
ReplyDeleteI am so happy that you have Michael and are so happy!!!! You deserve it!
ReplyDeleteHow refreshing! I often wonder about y'all gushing about your husband and realize you've just seen the other side so you can appreciate it! This made me look at my husband and be thankful for what a great hubby he is. Thank God for where you are today and all the blessings you have and thank you thank you for this post...made me tear up!!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad you are finding the happiness and peace in your life you were looking for!
ReplyDeletesounds like life had its down... but your on the upswing!! Can't wait to follow more from ya! Thanks for the comment as well!!!
ReplyDeleteSo happy that you found peace and happiness.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Lora. It is sometimes necessary to get through the bad stuff so we can appreciate the good stuff. I'm so glad that you have found your knight in shining armor and I wish you nothing but happiness.
ReplyDeleteGreat post, Lora!
ReplyDeleteEveryone deserves a "flippin happy"!! :)
Awesome post!
ReplyDeleteI'm a new follower, but I love this post! Well written and just made me say "hell yeah!" out loud for you. Happy that you found your happiness :)
ReplyDeleteGreat post!
ReplyDeleteLora, I cannot imagine. You have taken something awful and turned it into making you a stronger, more greatful person, friend, and mother. those girls and your FH are very lucky to have you!!
ReplyDeleteLove this post. Everything you've been through has brought you to where you are, and that's a very good place.
ReplyDelete