Busy Bees

A lot has been going on lately in the StYoung household.
I knew life with 3 kids would be busy....I just didn't realize how busy.
Then again, I couldn't have predicted the daily roadtrips to the hospital...

But it's busy!

5th grade homework WILL be the death of me.
They are on the verge of being able to just go to their rooms and finish it
on their own.....but still really needed lots of help. Mixed in with a bit of whining.

I still go to the hospital every single day.
122 days and I haven't missed one....but what Mom would??

K&A started basketball...and this year it is intense!!
Like full court intense...and I love it!!!
I can't wait to take BH to a game with us.

They also sang in the talent show...yes, I said they sang.
Which made me really nervous! But I can honestly say they did great.
Kate shocked me with carrying a tune pretty well and Alex was alllll over that stage!

Oh, and in other news....our youngest child is OXYGEN FREE!!!!
How awesome is that?!

We knew that he was doing well with his breathing, we just didn't realize how well.
They were suppose to turn down his oxygen to next-to-nothing on Monday.
I felt like the nurse did it wrong....obviously I have been there a lot so I know how to change it.
But ya know, I'm not a nurse.
I said something about it. She had another nurse come verify that she did it right.
And told me she would ask the respiratory nurse to look at it to make sure.
But his numbers were perfect and he was doing well so I forgot about it.

Come to find out, the next day, (almost 24 hours later!!!) the respiratory nurse came in
and said that his oxygen was turned off....so I was right!
She accidentally turned it off instead of down.
So he was oxygen free.
Needless to say, they took his cannula off his face that day.
And he is soooo handsome without it.

And, if all goes well, he will be going home on Monday.
I am beyond excited about this....but I'm trying my best not to get TOO excited.
If I've learned anything during our NICU stay, it's that it ain't over til it's over.

I have no doubt that there will be tears as we walk away from that hospital.
Tears of joy and tears of sadness.....only because we are closing a huge chapter.
I may not have enjoyed every minute that we've been there, but it's been "home"
for almost 4 months. And I've made friends with nurses. And I'm walking away with
a healthy child....and there were moments when I didn't know if I would walk away
empty handed one day or not.

It's been tough, but totally worth it.
This little guy has taught me so much over his short 4 months in this world so far.

Someone at work told me today something that really made sense.
She said:

"It really is amazing how God prepares you for hard times because you have had practice with the crazy schedules in the past with school, working, and raising twins all at the same time."

(Thanks Leslie!!!)

I haven't thought of that before, but it's so true.
I went to college when I had 3 month old twins.
Then I went back for a second degree when I was a single Mom to 5 year old twins.
I went without sleep. I went without free time. I went without rest.
And survived on willpower and determination. (And Ramen noodles.)
And just like that, God was preparing me for bigger things in life.
A NICU stay that would test my strength, my faith, and my determination.
And he gave me a perfect husband to lean on.

God is so good.
Thanks for following along with our story....please stay tuned for a pic of Harper in his nursery.
I can't wait to finally have him home!!! Pin It Now!

Just a Quick Update

I think that's all I blog lately, quick updates.
But currently, I have about one million things going on so blogging is taking a back seat.
I'm still trying to update often to keep up with BH's status though.
It seems right now as if I will never, EVER forget a single detail.
But I know the reality of it is that all of this will be just a memory eventually.

Still in the hospital.
112 long days, 16 weeks....almost to his 4 month birthday.
And we are still here.

Oddly enough, I'm okay with it though.

I was devastated when I found out we would have to stay 4 or 5 more weeks.
But I'm a FIRM believer that everything happens for a reason.

Had we gone home last week when expected, if our doctor would have just
let us go home on the oxygen, we would already be back at the hospital.
Which is my biggest fear.
When we leave, I want to be gone. Home for good.

So, at first, our doctor wanted us to stay longer to try to wean off oxygen, so we
didn't have to fool with it at home at all.
Then, we started to realize that he breathes faster than normal, which makes him really tired.
So they moved him to higher liters, and that broke my heart.

This entire time I have tried my best not to think about when we will go home.
And I've done well with that.
I focused more on getting him well, and letting him go home on his own time.
This helped because I had no expectations.
Sure, I wanted to be home immediately.
But I also knew I didn't want to take a baby home and risk some kind of accident at home because he wasn't ready. I mean, we are talking about a baby who holds his breathe sometimes, who coughs and turns purple during his bottle occassionaly. No matter how badly you want your baby home, you want him safe more. And at the hospital is where he is safest as long as there are still problems.

So, now we think that Harper is aspirating (the milk going into his lungs) while eating.
This is not cool because his lungs are still not completely developed and have problems of their own.
We are hoping to have a swallow study done this week, which will tell us if he will benefit from having his milk thickened...apparently if it is thicker, it will trigger his brain to swallow it correctly.

I've been told by nurses that whenever a baby needs this, as soon as their milk is thickened, they immediatly show improvement. That it makes a world of difference...so I'm praying that will be the case for us.

I no longer think about when he will be home.
After an infection scare last week, I'm just grateful to have a healthy baby.
I realized that this situation is not ideal, but he is not in a life-threatening situation, so we can handle it. And so many 26 weekers have faced many more challenges than him, so we have lots to be grateful for!

So, today begins a new week.
Hopefully with some answers. And another week of him growing.
We know that a lot of what he needs is just more time to grow.
I will sit back and let God handle this for us, knowing that he will come home when he is ready.

Happy Monday everybody! :) Pin It Now!

Looking Back on 2013

Let's recap 2013, shall we?

In January, I started my New Years resolutions like everyone else in America.
But 2013 was different. I had lots of support from my husband and the blogger world.
And I really commited to it.

In February, I ran my first 10K. And finished in like 1 hour, 5 minutes. I was proud of this since it was my first 10K and it was freezing, but I'd like to improve on this in 2014.

March, Kate and Alex turned 10. Double digits. I'm still not believing this one.

I ran my first half marathon in April, met some awesome blog friends while there, and, ahem, got pregnant. April was definitely a month that changed our lives. #Louie

May brought our annual Spring River trip with our favorite couple....and you can imagine how interesting this was since I was pregnant. Despite being knocked up, I had a blast. I took really really long naps, never took my cover-up off, and maybe cried a few times for no reason.

June was the month of my first wedding anniversary. What an awesome year of marriage!! We got to enjoy the top layer of our wedding cake that had been frozen, and let me just tell you, it was amazing. I didn't have much cake the night of the wedding since everything was so crazy so I had no idea it was so good. Plus I had no idea frozen cake could thaw out and taste good, but it sure did!

In July, I had a birthday. The older I get, the less I can believe it. I feel like I should still be in my early 20s and that's why I still dress like a college student. July also brought a furlough at work. It was nice to be off for several Fridays, I enjoyed the "vacation" but I'm still hoping they go back and pay us for those days.....

In August, the girls started 5th grade. 5TH GRADE!!! Their last year in the elementary building...where did my little girls go?! We also took our first family vacation to Nashville Shores. Who goes to a water park in August when they are pregnant? This girl. But I just sat in a chair like a beached whale while the girls and FH had fun....and towards the end of the day, I finally braved the pool. And I just have to say, if you have never been in a pool while pregnant, you are missing out!!! It was like I was weightless!!! Amazing. Kate also started volleyball and Alex started cheerleading. And so begins our many years of sports....which I am very excited about!

And in September, our whole world was turned upside down. I can honestly tell you that the entire time I was pregnant, I knew that I wouldn't go full term. I just had a feeling. No, I had no idea that I would have him at 26 weeks, but I knew it would be early. September was an amazing, scary, heart wrenching month. But looking back, I wouldn't change it. Harper was just that excited to meet us! And so began our new NICU lives......

In October, Harper had heart surgery. Which was terribly scary. And we moved to LeBonheur. Which would be our home away from home for the rest of the year. I was scared to death of both the move and the surgery, but both ended up being exactly what we needed. After Harper's surgery, he started to improve and was able to move off the oscilator and onto a new breathing machine. Once we got to LeBonheur, we had our own room and we were able to spend lots more time with Harper. Unfortunately, October also brought an infection for Harper. I will never look at Halloween the same. We won't know the full effect that this infection had on Harper until he is around 2, for reasons that I will not put on the interwebs. But this infection changed our lives, while also proving just how strong our little baby is.

November started a tough holiday season, which would mainly be spent in the hospital. When I wasn't in the hospital, I was thinking about my baby without me in the hospital. It was difficult to celebrate Thanksgiving, but I was lucky enough to spend the night with him since I was off work. November was also the beginning of  basketball practice.

December, still in the hospital. Harper's due date. We took the girls to see their first play at the Orpheum, The Nutcracker. The girls were in their last elementary christmas program at school, and they even sang solos. And I cried the morning of Christmas because I had to leave Harper alone that day. It was a tough holiday, but we enjoyed it as well as we could.

2013 was wonderful to us and showed us just how tough we can be. Balancing volleyball, cheerleading, basketball, 5th grade homework, work, and daily visits to the hospital has been a challenge. Not to mention the pumping milk EVERY. THREE. HOURS. I am looking forward to 2014 and all that it could bring!! Here's to hoping Harper comes home at the beginning of the year, and we can start a new kind of crazy. The kind of crazy that includeds our Party of Five all living under one roof.

Happy New Year!!!!!

Pin It Now!

Christmas 2013

I'm gonna be real honest and tell you that I'm glad Christmas is over.
I always enjoy celebrating Jesus' birthday, and this time was no different.
But it just felt wrong.

I spent the night with Harper on Christmas Eve.
It was our first year in several that the girls were spending the night with their Dad on Christmas Eve.
I LOVE staying with Harper.....
but our family of 5 slept in 3 different places that night.
And that was heartbreaking.

I enjoy spending the night with Harper even more now since I get to be a part of his bottles when he gets them. Makes me feel like his real Mom!
Right now he gets a bottle every other meal, and the other times it just goes into his tube.
I requested that he get his bottles at 11 & 5 so that every day after work, I can give him his 5 bottle.
This schedule works well for us.
And by the way, he is doing AMAZING with his bottles. Taking almost everything he is given currently. They will probably move him to getting every meal through a bottle soon, and I hope he handles it well. It's just a lot of work for such a little guy! (weighing in at 4 lbs, 13 oz currently.)

Back to Christmas.....

The morning went okay.
It was a little bit lonely but BH and I kept each other company pretty well.
And then FH came to the hospital to hang out with us.
We had cafeteria food for Christmas lunch....not exciting.
Then we were off to get the girls for Christmas with them!

I have now left Harper in my rearview mirror 94 times (give or take a few days when I spent the night)....and not one time has been as difficult as leaving him on Christmas Day.
I just felt like I was abandoning him.
Whose Mom leaves them on Christmas??

I knew it had to be done.
As much as I would have loved to stay in that hospital room all day long (or better yet, sneak him out in my diaper bag), I have to take care of my other kids too.

We enjoyed the rest of the day with family. And it was fun....but only half of my heart was in it.
The rest was laying in a big boy crib and getting fed his bottle by a nurse.
Our nurses are great, but they aren't Mama.
Every single bottle that I miss hurts my heart.

So I enjoyed Christmas.
I appreciate every single bit of the true meaning of the holiday.
And it was a day well spent.

But I'm happy to move past it this year.
Closer to the day that we get to bring BH home.

We are ready whenever you are Harper. :) Pin It Now!

Dear NICU Moms.....

Check out my new blog header!!! BH is finally added to the top thanks to my friend Holly!

The other day I was in the elevator at the hospital.
Another young couple was in there and then a Mom and her daughter.
The young couple had a bunch of bags, pillows, and blankets with them.
The Mom made the comment that they looked like they were planning on staying for awhile.
Which, I might add, is a risky comment to make to anyone in a hospital elevator in my opinion.
The couple responded by telling us that their child had been at the hospital for a year, they were discharged only to go home for about 5 minutes and have to come right back because he/she got sick.

And my heart broke for them.

It's not often that I want to hug complete strangers, but I wanted to hug them both.

Can you even imagine?
I can't. Like at all.

This family has since been in my prayers and I would love if you could have them in yours too.

Every time that I see a new baby brought in to the hospital on our floor, I feel the mom's pain.
When I think back to how sick to my stomach I was at BH's first ambulance ride, at leaving the hospital and going to a new one, leaving the nurses that we were familiar with, I am just overwhelmed.
I cried a lot that day and was scared out of my mind.
And each time I see a family that is just starting out on the journey that we have been on for 3 months, I want to just sit them down and tell them it's all going to be okay.
But the reality is, it might not be.
Not every story progresses as well as ours has. Not every tiny baby grows a double chin. And slowly
develops stronger lungs.
I am grateful that we have progressed with leaps and bounds, but I can't help but hurt for the others.


As you enjoy Christmas with your loved ones this year, please keep all the families in the hospital in your thoughts and prayers. I know I am strong enough to see past the fact that I will wake up at the hospital on Christmas morning, I know that it is not where you are but who you are with.

I know that there is a light at the end of our tunnel and we will hopefully be bringing BH home sooner than later, but not all familes there have that. Not all of them can see past the hospital walls and the monitors and the IVs and the sickness to see the good. But I pray that each of them will have at least one good thing to smile about during this holiday season.

I know that I do. :) Pin It Now!

God Gave Me You

I have a lot of time to think.
Sitting in the hospital with nothing to do but stare at a sweet baby.
And lately I've been thinking a lot about how lucky I am to be BH's mom.

Sure, I've never had a normal pregnancy.
And I hate that I'm not good at being pregnant.
I've never had a baby and gone home the next day.
I've never even had a baby that didn't go to the NICU.
I've never been more than 34 weeks pregnant.

But I've experienced something greater.

Yes, BH's birth and life so far have been exhausting.
The praying. The medical terms. The research.
THE DRIVING. The late nights. The early mornings.
The absence of an entire family under one roof.
The leaving half of my heart at the hospital part.....

But it has been AMAZING.

I have loved every single minute of it.

And I'm so grateful that God chose me to be his Mom.
To me, it means He thought I could handle it.
And I'm proud to say that I can.

A lot of our nurses are surprised by what I do while I'm in the hospital.
It's not unusual for them to come in the room, and I've already changed his
diaper or swaddled him into a different position.
I can turn off the monitors, and I could probably even work his machine
that puts the milk through his tube....but I don't go that far.

The point is, I'm there.
I'm there being his mom, just like I'm suppose to.
It may not be ideal, but I'm his mom no matter where he lays his head.
Of course at first, I was nervous. And I sat back and watched.
But I've learned a ton.
I even participate in rounds with the doctors when they come to us.
They have questions for the nurses and while they are looking up the
answers, I can usually tell them the answers.
I'm not patting myself on the back or anything.
I only have one baby to take care of, and they have tons.
So I know my baby and his facts.

And the lucky part for BH?
His dad is the same way.

We have our routine down pretty good now.
FH is there during the day. He normally knows any concerns I have and gets answers for me.
Then I'm there in the evening. Sometimes both of us and the girls. Sometimes FH takes the girls home to do homework.
FH calls to check on him right before he goes to bed at night. And leaves me a note so I see it at my 2 AM pumping session.
I call to check on him during my 5 AM pumping session. And leave him a note so he knows what's going on before he leaves to take the girls to school in the mornings.

And we don't just call to hear "He's doing good."....we call for numbers. We want facts. We need his
weight in kilograms and I do the conversion and write it down each day. We research concerns and decide on what questions we need to bring up with the doctors during the rounds.

We make a good team.
And I'm pretty sure that's why God chose us.

I found this poem today and it made me smile....
Since having BH, I'm obsessed with all things preemie.
I swear I want to build a clubhouse and let all preemie moms come hang out with me in it.
It's just a different world and I'm totally absorbed in that world right now. :)

How Preemie Moms Are Chosen by Erma Bombeck

Did you ever wonder how the mothers of premature babies are chosen?
Somehow, I visualize God hovering over Earth, selecting his instruments for propagation with great care and deliberation. As he observes, he instructs his angels to take notes in a giant ledger.

"Armstrong, Beth, son. Patron Saint, Matthew. Forrest, Marjorie, daughter. Patron Saint, Celia.
Rutledge, Carrie, twins. Patron Saint...give her Gerard. He's used to profanity."

Finally, he passes a name to an angel and smiles. "Give her a preemie."
The angel is curious. "Why this one, God? She's so happy."
"Exactly," smiles God. "Could I give a premature baby a mother who knows no laughter? That would be cruel."
"But does she have the patience?" asks the angel.
"I don't want her to have too much patience, or she'll drown in a sea of self-pity and despair. Once the shock and resentment wear off, she'll handle it. I watched her today. She has that sense of self and independence so rare and so necessary in a mother. You see, the child I'm going to give her has a world of its own. She has to make it live in her world, and that's not going to be easy."
"But Lord, I don't think she even believes in you."
God smiles. "No matter, I can fix that. This one is perfect She has just the right amount of selfishness."
The angel gasps, "Selfishness?! Is that a virtue?"

God nods. "If she can't separate herself from the child occasionally, she will never survive. Yes, here is a woman whom I will bless with a child less than perfect. She doesn't know it yet, but she is to be envied. She will never take for granted a spoken word. She will never consider a step ordinary. When her child says momma for the first time, she will be witness to a miracle and know it. I will permit her to see clearly the things I see-- ignorance, cruelty, prejudice-- and allow her to rise above them. She will never be alone. I will be at her side every minute of every day of her life because she is doing my work as surely as she is here by my side."
"And what about her Patron Saint?" asks the angel, his pen poised in the air.

God smiles. "A mirror will suffice."

**This poem is accurate in the patience department...I don't have enough of it.
***This poem is not accurate where it says "I don't think she even believes in you."....I have more faith now than I have ever had, and I've always had a good amount. :)

And last but not least in the longest blog post EVER, a reader told me about this song.
I have listened to it at least a million times. And it still makes me cry when I listen. Enjoy.

Happy Holidays to you and yours. May you all find something to be thankful for this Christmas. :)


Pin It Now!

Will He be Home for Christmas?

Okay let's be real honest here.....
I hate being asked "When will he be home?" or "Will he be home for Christmas?"
I can't help it, I just do.

Maybe it's because every single milestone that he reaches, I am grateful.
To me, it's not all about him getting home.

It's more than that.

It's will he have long term issues? Will his eyes develop correctly?
Will his brain develop exactly how it needs to? Will he need glasses?
Will he catch up with other babies his age? Will I ever stop googling and freaking myself out?

I have so much more to stress about than the simple question of when he will
be home. Don't get me wrong. I want him home, like yesterday.
But I want him to be strong. I want his breathing to be solid.
I want to know that he is ready to come home.

Every day we are one step closer to bringing him home.
For that, I am grateful.

Happy Thursday everybody!! :)




Pin It Now!