Death

I have been mystified by life lately.

I'm pretty sure it has a lot to do with the fact that over the last 8 weeks, a child has grown from the size of a poppy seed to a small kidney bean inside my stomach.

When I was pregnant with Kate and Alex, I wasn't mystified.
Maybe it's because I was too young.
And I was more freaked out about how my life was changing than about the miracles that were growing inside me.

This time around, I realize every single step is a HUGE miracle.

With all this thinking about life, it's made me appreciate mine more.
All the blessings that I have.

And then, Saturday night happened.

My 23 year old cousin died in a car wreck.
Tragic.
One minute he was there, the next minute he drove into a tree.
Changing so many lives forever.

You don't ever think it will happen to someone you know.
You always think that you have plenty of time to love on your loved ones.

We weren't very close at all.
You know how it is with cousins.
You grow up, you grow apart.
But he was still family and seeing my family hurt because of this is awful.

And then the storms in Oklahoma happened yesterday.
And children died at their schools.
I can NOT imagine the hopeless feelings of parents knowing that their kids' school was hit. How helpless and lost.

Today I appreciate the tiny little bun in my oven.
The kids that are able to attend their last day of 4th grade today.
The husband safe at home in bed after a long night of work.
And a God that loves us even when we don't understand.

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