It's hard for me to blog.
It just brings up too many emotions and reminds me too much of Harper.
But I'm going to try today....because I miss it.
You know what else I miss?
I miss waking up in the middle of the night to a crying baby. I know all you moms out there have
every right to complain when you don't get sleep. I know how frustrating it can be. I also know that I
would give up sleeping for months if I could just wake up for Harper one more time. Try to remember that the next time you want to pull your hair out because your baby needs you at 2 AM.
I miss being busy. Don't get me wrong, with 11 year old twins, 5th grade homework, and my new obsession with getting in shape, I'm busy. But it's a different kind of busy. I miss the kind of busy that includes making bottles and cleaning them out, missing out on doing things because we have a baby at home, and never getting to watch that show on Netflix because of the baby.
I miss sharing pictures of Harper on Instagram. And taking new pictues. It breaks my heart knowing that I'll never have another new picture of him.
I even miss the NICU. It seemed so horrible at the time. Having to leave him each night to go home to a house without him. But at least I could go back to him the next day. Or even in the middle of the night if I chose. I wish I could visit him in heaven like I did in the NICU.
I'll always miss him. I'd like to sit here and tell you each day gets easier. It doesn't. I know it will eventually, but not now. Somedays I miss him so much that my heart literally hurts.
But I'll see him again one day.....
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I think about you often. Every time I do I say a prayer for you.
ReplyDeleteSo glad you posted. You, those girls and BH often run through my mind. HUGS!
ReplyDeleteIt was so good to see your post in my reader. We've never met, but I've been following along for awhile & your family has been in my prayers, and still are. Take it one day, hour, minute at a time. There are still lots of folks lifting you guys up.
ReplyDeleteSo many times I wonder what happens when people go to heaven. Like if they stay the same age as they are when they leave their earthly bodies? I know that the sick will be healed ect, but what about the babies? Do they get to choose to be a walking/talking toddler? One day when you meet again will Harper come up and say "hi mama!" ?Gosh, wouldn't that be so cool! My heart still aches for you when I see your Instagram pictures and know how much you would give to be posting a sweet baby face picture. We are all here for you :)
ReplyDeleteLora, I think about you every night when I wake up to feed Mason. I don't take a second of it for granted because I know that it can be taken in an instant. Little Harper taught me how important it is to really soak up every moment and be present. ♥
ReplyDeleteLora, I think about you every night when I wake up to feed Mason. I don't take a second of it for granted because I know that it can be taken in an instant. Little Harper taught me how important it is to really soak up every moment and be present. ♥
ReplyDeleteLora I still think of you and pray for you daily. I miss seeing his little face on Instagram. You both have taught me to cherish our time together. Sending you so much love.
ReplyDeleteI feel your pain literally and hope all mom's appreciate all the things they hate about motherhood! Sending you lots of hugs!!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you're back, even if your entire post makes me cry. You're so strong and have such a great perspective. I'm so thankful that you are at peace and know that you will see your Harper again someday.
ReplyDeleteGlad to see you back in the blog word even if it's just for a moment!! Thinking if you always!!!
ReplyDeleteBless you, I miss him too.
ReplyDelete