One Week

It's one AM and I can't sleep.
And I start back to work tomorrow morning.
That presents a problem.
It's one of those nights where you lay in bed and run over and over and over things.
Or if you are like me, you start writing a blog post in your head and don't want to forget it.

It's been exactly one week since Harper went to heaven.
One long, long week.

What a difference a week makes.

That was the subject of his eulogy.
What a difference a day makes.
And let me just tell you, it was perfect.

My cousin Brodie did his eulogy.
My cousin who has never done a funeral before.
And he did perfect.
I even heard that one person's reaction was "wherever that guy preaches, I want to go"
And he lost a son himself not too long ago.

Is there anyone left out there that still thinks that God doesn't have this life planned out perfectly?
How obvious is it that God planned this out exactly, preparing him for Harper's eulogy?
And he reads my blog, and quoted some of it while he was speaking.
So in a way, I wrote part of my son's eulogy.
That is the most amazing feeling ever, that he used my words and that others heard/read them.

I haven't always been so vocal about my faith.
Most people don't know that I have an amazing relationship with God.
In fact, I'm sure even my husband, who knows every single thing there is to know about me, didn't know the extent of it before.

God is my best friend.
And while others might see the death of their child as something to get angry about. Saying
"Why me God, why me?"
I've seen my son being taken away from me for reasons that only God can know.
He has lead me to say "Use me God, use me. Use me to teach others, to show them that we can handle anything with you beside us."

So many people have told me that I've been so strong throughout this.
Don't think I haven't been horribly sad. I have been.
Don't think that I don't have moments where I can't even complete a task because I can no longer see because of tears rolling down my face.
But please do think that I am taking this opportunity and trying my best to find the good in it.
To God be the glory. And let me just tell you, my sweet baby boy is bringing glory to God right now.

What a difference a week makes.

Four weeks ago, I left work on maternity leave.
My second maternity leave.
The first one was spent recovering from a C-section and visiting my son in the NICU.
Praying he would live.
My second one was something I waited and waited and waited on.
Something I felt like would never get here.
And then I finally walked out of those doors of work, almost in tears because my baby boy was coming home.

Tomorrow, I will walk back in those doors. Probably with more tears. But tears because my
baby boy finally did make it to his forever home.

I'll miss him. I know it gets easier as time goes by.
I know at some point I will have to clean out his room instead of just keeping the doors closed.
But he is always at the back of my mind. Always.

Don't worry. I don't plan on turning my blog into a preaching sermon every time I write.
I don't plan on being that friend that never shuts up.
But I do plan to be more open about my faith.
If this is the way God wants to use me, because he knows that I am an over-sharer and that I like to blast everything on social media. If that's why he chose me to take care of his sweet angel on earth for almost 5 months, then I'm gonna do it when I feel like I should.

Other than that, it will be business as usual around here.
I'm sure my life will get back to boring sooner than later. :)

Thank you for reading our story, for following along.
And don't forget to kiss your sweet babies at least one million times a day.
That's how often I kissed BH. No doubt, in the back of my mind, God was urging me to do so because time was limited.

Now, let's see about some sleep...... Pin It Now!