Thankful

With Thanksgiving quickly approaching, we have LOTS to be thankful for.

I'm gonna be real honest and tell you, when I heard the words "We are going to
deliver this baby, right now"...I didn't think my baby had a chance of living.

I knew a tiny bit about preemies. K&A were born early. But I didn't even
know that there was such a thing as micropreemies.
I didn't know the chances of living a 26 weeker had.
And it's not like I had time to research it.
Or even think about it for that long.
I just had time to be scared to death. But that's about it.

Now I know more about tiny babies than you could imagine.
I feel like FH and I have gained a nursing degree over the last 2 months.
Although I am VERY aware that we don't know the half of it all.

With all this being said, we have SO MUCH to be thankful for.

-I'm thankful that my baby came out crying. Crying = breathing. And even
though he obviously was put on a breathing machine immediately, him
coming out crying was a wonderful sign.

-I'm thankful that Harper had PDA surgery. I know this sounds crazy. And
at the time I would have never been thankful for it. But if it weren't for his
surgery, he would have never been sent to a different hospital. The hospital where
he was born has an amazing NICU, but when we were there, BH was not
even close to the norm. They had lots of little babies, but he was exceptionally smaller.
Where we are now, we are the norm. Most babies there are tiny or at least have
big problems, so we feel like the nurses there are more capable of handling our needs.

-I'm thankful for the horrible chairs that convert to beds in BH's room. We've spent hours in
them and though you can't say they are comfortable, they allow us to spend the night with our
baby. And for that I will forever be grateful.

-I'm thankful for NICU nurses. They are a rare breed. Most specifically, our primary nurse. Apparently at the hospital we are at now, a nurse can choose to have a primary baby. Meaning
when they are at work, they get their primary baby. Primary baby = favorite baby. We are lucky enough to have a primary nurse and when I say I just love her, it is a huge understatement. She was one of the reasons that BH's infection was caught so early. She spends hours making sure he is comfortable. She will sit with me and answer questions all day long. She spent her entire free time  one weekend to color, cut out, and hang up a monitor for him so he had something to stare at. She sewed him a wubanub, because they don't make them with preemie pacifiers but I really wanted him to have one. She took pictures of bruises on his leg when someone squeezed him too hard while drawing blood so she would have proof when she reported it. She loves him. She is the reason that I got to start holding him when I did, and she is the only nurse who has ever let me hold him. Her patience is out of this world and I will FOREVER be indebted to this lady who has taken such great care of my son. I only wish she could be at the hospital 24/7.



-I'm thankful for my friends who check on my family all the time. This has been one of those situations where you find out who your friends are. I have some friends who constantly check on me and see if they can do anything to help me and then I have friends who never even mention the fact that I have a baby in the hospital. It's nice to know who really cares and also who really just isn't that interested. I'm grateful that mainly everyone loves on us and checks on us!



-I'm thankful for my rock of a husband. He knows how important a Momma is to her baby so he makes sure that I have tons of alone time with BH. He takes K&A home early from the hospital so we can have our alone time. He does dishes, and homework, and everything else that needs to be done so that I can love on our baby. And he understands that I need to be at the hospital every spare moment that I have.



-I'm thankful for family that take care of K&A. It's hard to have kids in different places. And without the help we have had, I know the girls would be feeling neglected....now they are just spoiled!



-I'm thankful for K&A's school. I've always loved their school. But now, I am almost at a loss for words. The entire class took up giftcards to give us to help us while we are on the road between home and the hospital all the time. We are still working on using all of them. And they also are taking up donations to send to our hospital in BH's name as their Christmas charity. To be thought of like this is just amazing. I'm so grateful to everyone for all their thoughts and prayers!



-I'm thankful that God blessed me with an endless supply of milk. I have what one doctor described as "more milk than I have ever heard of anyone having!" This is such a blessing. Don't get me wrong, pumping all day, every day is SUCH a pain. It helps that this is one of the only things I can do for BH that no one else can do for him. I like that so it keeps me going.

I could go on all day long.

So many people tell me often that they never know what to say to me about the baby.
They don't want to say the wrong thing or upset me.
I don't understand this.
Sure, maybe BH was born early and obviously it's not ideal that he's in the hospital.
But he is a beautiful little boy and I couldn't be happier with him no matter his size.

I feel blessed that I get to be his mom. That one day I get to share with him the story of his birth.
And show him pictures of how tiny he was. And how proud I am that he is so tough.
I wouldn't trade this experience for the world.


Happy (almost) Thanksgiving!



























**I have no idea why some pictures are huge, but I'm not spending the time to fix it! ;)

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60 Days

I'm just gonna come right out and say this.
I'm tired.
Like really, really tired.
I feel like I never get caught up on sleep.
I know this is normal for a new mom, but I just want to sit at home in my PJs.
And hold my baby.

Today marks 60 days that BH has been in the hospital.
60 long days.
And I haven't missed a single day there with him.
I'm not gonna lie, sometimes I really wish I could leave work and go straight
home to bed.
But I know I'd miss him too much.
It's like a tiny part of me is sitting in that little isolette that he still calls a bed.
And I just have to be near him.

The problem is, I have other kids.
And a husband who sees me just in passing these days.
FH normally takes the girls home early from the hospital so I can
stay and have more quiet time with BH.
Luckily, FH has turned into quite the superdad.
He does the dishes, the laundry, homework, tucks them in at night.
Everything and anything he can to help since I'm never home.

It's sad though.
Sad to hear my girls tell me they miss me.
Sad to have to facetime them a goodnight kiss because they will be asleep
by the time I get home.
But it's necessary.
And hopefully will all be over soon when we bring that little stud home.

BH is doing great so far.
He is gaining weight like a champ. Currently sitting at 3 lbs, 7 ounces.
We were told that with most micropreemies, it takes what feels like forever for them to reach 3 lbs.
And then once they do, they start packing on the lbs.
Man, they weren't playing.
He gained that 7 ounces in less than a week!
He is really starting to get some meat on his bones.
And his little chubby cheeks are just out of this world.
I could stare at him all day long.

And that smile!
I know it might just be a little bit of gas, but I don't care, as long as he's smiling!

He has 2 days left on his antibiotics and then we are done with those.
Hopefully next week, he will start attempting to drink from a bottle.

I'm really nervous about the bottle.
He knows how to suck, I know that from him going to town on his paci.
But the thing is, he has to learn how to suck, swallow, and breathe all at the same time.
This is a huge obstacle for most preemies and will take him awhile to get it down.

He has to gain weight for 3 more days (5 days in a row) and be able to hold
his temperature and then he will get moved to a flat bed instead of his isolette.
This will be great because it's really hard to see him in that box!

He's currently on the CPAP breathing machine and doing well.
I pray that he moves to the last breathing machine soon and handles it well.
I know it sounds super selfish of me, but I really don't want him to come home on oxygen.
Lots of preemies do, and it's really not that big of a deal.
But I am praying so hard that once he leaves that hospital, he never looks back.
That he comes home with absolutely no reminder of being forced into an early birth.
I know this is a shot in the dark, but I'd rather him stay just a little bit longer there if he needs to
in order to come home with his face free of all tape, prongs, or other gadgets.

I mean, it's just a crying shame to cover this handsome face up with anything.

That hair. It kills me. It makes him look like a 100 year old man and a precious baby all at once.
I have lots of closeups like this because when I hold him, I just want to cherish the moment.
And remember forever.

One day when he is driving me nuts because he won't stop talking. Or he is too needy. Or cries too much. I want to remember how I stopped my entire world every chance I could just to sit with him like this. I'm grateful that we have these memories together.

In "the real world", I'm a fast paced, on the go Mom.
Only because he is in the NICU do I get to stop everything else and just be with him.
Never have I ever sat still for 3 hours, except during our holding time.
And I'm grateful that his hospital stay has made this possible.

I'm not going to lie. I've gotten to where I love our Friday nights.
I spend the night with him every Friday night. It's our slumber party time.
When I'm at the NICU, I can just be.
I don't have to worry about folding laundry or doing dishes. Or all the million things I should be doing. I just get to relax and know that I'm there just in case anything happens.

Don't worry, I reserve Saturday nights for the girls and FH.
And I do my best not to fall asleep at 7 on those nights so that I can spend enough time with them.

We still don't know when he will be home.
It's almost impossible to tell until we see how he does with a bottle. And on the next breathing machine.
But I'm praying for December. And won't lose my cool if it's not until January.
Anything after that though is just unacceptable.
You hear me Harper?!

Thank you for following along on our journey to bringing this sweet boy home.
I look forward to the day that I can say "remember when BH was in the NICU...."

Until then, we'll just keep on keepin' on!
Happy Thursday everybody. :) Pin It Now!

Just your Typical Amazing Morning

Today has been the best morning ever.
Or at least the best for me lately.

So, I slept through my 1 AM alarm last night.
Apparently if you are super sleepy and don't hit snooze after a couple of hours,
the alarm just shuts itself off.
I'm okay with that.
So when I woke up at 5 and pumped, I got double the amount of milk.
Meaning I got to sleep more but still got the same amount of milk.
Win-win!!!

On a sad note, I'm on antibiotics right now.
Which means I'm pumping and dumping for at least one week.
If you've never done this, then let me just tell you, it's HORRIBLE.
To work so hard and then throw it away....ughhh.
But we are running out of room in our freezer so taking a week off is
probably a good thing. At least I'm telling myself that.

I've noticed that pumping exclusively is entirely mental.
It's so hard, especially when I'm throwing it away, not to just stop.
But I know that it's best for the baby and it's a lot cheaper than formula.

Next up, I weighed this morning and I lost 2 more lbs.
Most of my weight from the baby came off right away but I have a little bit
that just won't go away, so it was awesome to wake up to a loss.

Annnnnd today I have on real jeans. As in not maternity jeans.
I know, I know, that's pathetic.
I shouldn't be wearing maternity jeans, but for some reason I have it in
my head that calories consumed do not count when sitting in the NICU.
So I have been shoveling Snickers down my throat like they are going out of style.

Also, Harper reached 3 lbs!
3 lbs!!!!!!
I'm so beyond excited about this.
Mainly because we have read so many times that it will feel like forever
to reach 3 lbs but after that, most micro preemies just shoot up.
And I can't wait for him to shoot up!
His chubby little cheeks kill me already.
Oh and we finally have one tiny neck roll. :)

Here's to hoping that the rest of the day follows along on this awesome train.
Happy Almost Friday. Pin It Now!

It's True What They Say....

.....a picture really is worth 1,000 words.

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The Week that Lasted FOREVER

I suppose a Baby Harper update is in order.
And since I am finally back to the real world, I have a lot to catch up on.

So, Tuesday night, BH's breathing machine wasn't working right.
And it was stressing me OUT!
The only reason I left the hospital that night is because our favorite nurse
was there and we knew she would take care of him.

Wednesday night wasn't much better.
He was on the CPAP mask and he hates it.
It's big and bulky and honestly, it just pisses him off makes him mad.
We noticed several times that afternoon that he would quit breathing, more than normal.

BH, like most preemies his "age", has sleep apnea.
He randomly forgets to breathe.
We have been told that he will grow out of this around week 34-36.
so we are counting the days until this happens. (He is at 32 weeks now.)

So it's normal for him to stop breathing some and then correct it himself
with no assistance. But we found out that Wednesday night/Thursday
morning around 2 AM, he was doing it often. He also wasn't recovering
on his own and he was not being active.

If you knew Harper, you would know that he is super active at all times.
He even moves in his sleep.

I forgot to warn you that this is going to be a pretty long story.

So, Thursday morning when I get to work, I call to check on him like normal.
The nurse doesn't answer.
Then our favorite nurse calls with an update.
They had to move him from CPAP to the non-evasive vent.
He does really well on this vent, but it's still a step backwards.
His CO2 levels (which we keep track of every day and are normally in the
the 50s) was in the 60s.
They were afraid that he might have an infection.
So their plan was to move him to vent and then check his CO2 again in
30 minutes.

At that point, I decided to leave work.
I was so upset about this backwards step that I knew I had to be there.
Little did I know, it was about to get a lot worse.

 

Leave work and come save me Mama!!

So I met FH at the hospital and we walked in together.
We were stopped before we got to BH's room and told that they were intubating him
so we couldn't go in his room.
This means that within the time I got the phone call and the time that I had reached the
hospital (around 30 minutes), he had gotten worse.
His CO2 was 99! Which is out of control!
They were putting the tube back in his throat for the ventilator.
Another step backwards.

I cried. And I cried, and I cried.
It was just so devastating.
We didn't know what was wrong and we didn't know how bad it was.
We just had to sit in a room alone and stare at each other.
And try not to think the worse.

After probably losing 10 lbs from crying so much, we got to see him.
And I slowly began to think that it wasn't the end of the world.
We would be okay, he was tough.

We had to leave that afternoon to go get the girls ready for Halloween.
Their dad said he would take them out that night, but their costumes
were at our house so we had no choice.
We also needed to pack a bag to come back and spend the night with BH.

The girls were so upset that we weren't taking them to see BH.
They wanted to show off their costumes to the nurses, which I know
doesn't sound that fun but we have gotten to know the people there.
And so the girls were upset about the change in plans.

So back to the hosptial we go.
Only to be stopped in the hallway AGAIN before getting to his room.
The doctor was in there putting a catheter in.
Poor baby. If you know how tiny he is, then you can imagine how tiny
his parts are that would need a catheter....

We waited, and we waited.
Finally the doctor came to us and told us they were finished and
the nurses would come get us soon so we could see him.
And then we waited, and we waited.
FH went to check out what was going on....
And the doctor told him that they found out that his PICC line was infected.
So they had to remove it immediately, that's what was taking so long.

A PICC line is, well I'm no doctor so I don't know exactly, but it's basically
a glorified IV that doesn't have to be replaced often.
It is easily infected though because it's an open line and the line goes all
the way to his heart, where as an IV is just super short.
Or so that's what I have gathered....don't quote me or anything.

So how they test for infection is they take blood to the lab and watch it
to see if any bacteria grows. They took blood from his ankle (where the PICC
line was), from his wrist, and they also tested his urine.

The blood from the PICC line grew bacteria first.
We later found out that the blood from the wrist and urine both had
bacteria as well. This means the infection was all throughout his body.

Back to Thursday night.
We were told that it would be a really rough night for Harper.
Happy Halloween!
And so we expected the worse.
He was already on antibiotics at this point, because they start them immediately.

Fast forward to Friday morning, the doctor said he was on the upswing.
They couldn't believe how quickly he recovered.
He didn't have that bad of a night and the same happened Friday night.

I have no doubt that prayers were answered.

BH still has the infection, or at least he is still on the antibiotics.
He will have to take them for 21 days.
But he improved so quickly, that they extubated him almost a day later. (Took tube out of throat.)
Doctors that weren't even treating him were coming by to assess him because they had seen his chart
and were so amazed at his quick turn around.

He looks healthy now.
He is back to moving and trying to pull his tubes out, typical Harper behavior.

We are anxious to have this whole thing behind us, but are so grateful that what could have been
a HORRIBLE infection, was discovered super early. Since it was discovered super early and since apparently BH has a super strong immune system, he fought back like a champ.

So, so grateful for all of your prayers and well wishes.
And I'm grateful that it was time to "fall back" an hour this weekend, we really needed it!

 

We have really got to work on this pancake head. He hates to lay on his back so his head looks like a pancake!

Don't worry Harper, we love you and your little (big) pancake head! :)

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